


Heedless

by betawho



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-10-12 05:27:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10483086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/betawho/pseuds/betawho
Summary: What was the Doctor thinking during Husbands of River Song?





	

She didn't recognize him. That hurt. He hadn't realized.

It had never occurred to him that there would ever be a time River wouldn't recognize him.

It was strange the things one took for granted. Like that twinkling look of flirtation in her eye. It hurt that it wasn't there.

Or that air of ownership. That, used to drive him silly. The way she'd lead him around, like a bull by the nose, all cocky and smug. He'd wanted to get away from it, to show her he was his own man.

Well, he was his own man now. And all he wanted was to be hers again.

Is this what she was like when he wasn't around? Dangerous, mad, heedless? As if her life was not worth protecting. Too rash, too harsh, throwing herself at life, almost throwing herself _away_ at life.

Thievery, murder, consorting with murderers. Bragging about it. He knew River lived in a world harsher than his. It had never occurred to him that she'd continue to reach for it when he wasn't there.

He guessed he'd thought she was just safe, off digging up some ancient culture somewhere. Being the happy archeologist. Then cheating and checking by going back with her vortex manipulator and seeing for herself.

But this, this was the world Kovarian created her for. A world of murderers, and thieves, and hunters. A world where life was without value, bought and sold as a commodity. Luxury built on ashes.

She didn't belong here, not his River. If she wanted diamonds he'd be happy to shower her in them. If she wanted excitement, well he could certainly provide that. If she wanted kisses, he was happy to provide those too. Heck, he'd even regenerate into a handsome "pretty face" if that's what she wanted, he swallowed past his tight collar, his identifying bow tie no longer there.

Because she didn't look happy. His River. His bright shining River, looked sad.

This wasn't her world. Her world was with _him_. Beloved. Bickering. Bantering (Okay, he wasn't always against the banter.)

Not this sad, quiet woman going through the motions. She was trying so hard to be the "bad girl" but her heart wasn't in it.

She'd lost her sense of adventure. Despite robot kings and pretty boy sidekicks, it was all routine, something to spend the time.

The time when he wasn't there. When she wasn't there. When they weren't there together.

For her, he must be getting younger and younger, knowing her less and less.

He'd known that would happen, even as it had happened for him. But she didn't know there was anything else. No future. Nothing to look forward to but more loss.

A full diary.

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